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[07 Nov 2009|11:58pm] |
I wonder...
.... if he ever stops and thinks about me.
I wonder when he wakes up in the morning...
... if he randomly imagines me lying there, beside him.
I wonder if he remembers...
.... how it felt to hold my hand, have my head on his shoulders
... what my laugh sounded like
.... how my smile looked like
Because I sure do
Wonder
After all this time. After all those months. You never really left my head. You're still there.
Still there.
And I can hate you. And curse you. And damn you to hell. But you're always going to be there. And I know, I just know, that you don't think about me.
Which sucks for me. Big time.
I've tried to explain to myself why you're still in my head. Tried to rationalize things. Tried to make some sort of logical structure to something I thought I could easily get away from. Maybe there is no explanation. Maybe there is, and I just need to look harder. But right now I got nothing. Nothing but a mixture of self-loath and self-pity.
I've missed you since the day you left. I told you that once.
I can still hear our conversations in my head.
I can still see our intimate rendezvous in my head.
I can still feel the tears sting my eyes after I saw what I saw.
I can still feel wanting you so bad... and hating you so bad... at the same time.
I don't know. And maybe I'll never know, why you have this effect on me. Why you're this powerful to me.
I guess, you caught me at a bad time.
Because then, I was desperate. Desperate to get out. Desperate to do something else.
Desperate to fall in love again.
And then you came along. In all of your charming glory. And I tried to resist you. I really did.
And looks like someone, finally beat me at my own game.
And I lost.
So I pushed you away. I pushed you away when I should have just let things go with the flow.
And I've never been okay since then.
Since then I've been nothing but making messes out of every potential or new guy I meet.
You never took the time to know me.
You never took the time to understand.
And I was a coward to not face you, and confront you about it.
But I hope you understand. I was in pain.
And I see it now. The reason why I got hurt so much.
It was because I was falling in love with you.
And you made me feel like I was the world's biggest idiot for falling in love with you.
And it never is a great feeling to feel like the world's biggest idiot.
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Bless me father
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| In my unending quest to find myself |
[16 Jul 2009|11:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
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some commercial on the radio (buy one take one anyone?) |
] |
Your element: Fire
Your ruling planets: The Sun
Symbol: The Lion
Your stone: Peridot
Life Pursuit: To lead the way
Vibration: Radiant Energy
Leo's Secret Desire: To be a star
Description:
Love triumphs over all for this sign, which is ruled by the heart and operates from this dimension too. Leo's are born fortunate. Charismatic and positive-thinking they attract not only an abundance of friends and opportunities, but manage to survive life's stormy times with style and good humour.
Once a Lion is committed to a relationship, they are totally devoted and faithful. Should their heart or trust be broken they never forgive or forget. When a relationship breaks down (even a long standing one) they can disappear into the sunset without a backward look. Leos can cut ties, and leave others heartbroken, but usually there is a good reason why they have broken a tryst. For a Leo, when a relationship is over, really over, it is over for good.
There are three levels of soul-evolution of the Leos. The highest is represented by the Sphinx; wise beyond their years and great teachers to others. The second is the Lion, King of the Jungle, ruled by ego but always protective and sustaining of those they love. The last is the Lion Cub, immature and undeveloped, frightened by anything new. These Leos cling to others (in the mode of the child not wanting to leave its mother's side).) They can't bear to be alone.
No matter what level they have attained, all Leos are trendsetters, leaders and adventurers. Their weakness is their pride. This is one sign where the saying "flattery will get you everything" applies, but be warned criticism will slam the relationship door right in your face.
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3 sinners x Bless me father
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| Day 2 |
[07 May 2009|06:35am] |
There I was, waking up to what I have come to expect as another heart-tugging day. It really doesn't help that he's still there... in my head... just taking his merry time floating around in my everyday thoughts. The day turned out not as bad as I thought it would be. Paulo "BJ" picked me up for lunch and just seeing his motorcycle again gave me such an itch that all throughout lunch I just ended up eating my food quietly and kept staring at the TV until BJ nudged me over with a look that said "I know you want to get on that motor bike"
What can I say, the man had fantastic perception :)
So we left lunch early where he ended up taking all of my stuff as I drove his bike around Tanjay all through the highway. When I told him that I ended up in the highway he was like "If I had known you were going to go there I wouldn't have allowed you to ride my bike"
The feeling of speed and wind was enough to distract me for a bit but then I had to go back to work. I'm hoping BJ gets to pick me up again for lunch so that I can practice some more on his bike. Oh great, after the end of 6 weeks here I'm going to be wanting a bike.
Another thing happened that sort of cheered me up. I was just about to start the lessons for Sacho (one of Sir Francisco Manalo's sons) when Sir came up and said "hey, let the lessons wait. We're going off-road driving" and I had to blink twice and say "you mean now? like right now?" and he nodded his head and Sacho and Isabel came with for the ride.
The best part? I get to drive.
So we drove around his farm in his 4x4 Ford Ranger where we went through forests and rivers and wet uphills (because it had been raining) and all the while their dog Ash running beside (and most of the time in front) of the car and it was just lovely to see this dog looking so happy and healthy. At some point, cause we stopped by an area where there was a small river, he jumped in and just swam downstream then came back out and barked for us to join him.
It made me miss Lance very much. He would have probably loved running around that big open field chasing the random chickens and goats we saw on the way.
The surprising thing was when we got back. Now I left my phone in my room (you never know what could happen during an off-road driving session. Especially if the driver in question is doing it for the first time) and imagine my surprise when I saw that he called. Twice. I was kind of happy I went off road driving.
So to make a long story short we talked last night. And I still hate how I just automatically respond in certain ways that probably made him feel all superior like again. I really need to check myself before I speak. It's just he sparks such an argumentative side of me sometimes I just can't help but jump again. It was great to hear his voice again, I'm not going to deny that but somehow I'm beginning to pick on our conversations on things on which I don't really think is attractive anymore.
Or maybe this is me doing another Franz-Deri letting go thing. Where I try to find things to not like about somebody to push the feeling of like away. I told Michelle I'm putting him in my Poch department and it kind of hurts that I have to put him there. It's just I am so ready to try this whole relationship thing out where for once I'd like to feel how it's like to be with someone who's here. But I don't believe I should settle for less. Because why should I? Should I? I think when it comes to something this big I don't think I should settle for less. Might as well be alone then be stuck with someone you'll just end up tearing your hair out for. Oh well. I'm young. I've still got so much more to experience, so much pain to feel, so much more pleasure to feel.
I'm really trying my best to just go with the flow. Take this as it is. Maybe by not expecting anything something good will come out of it.
He's still in my head though. I need to get him out of there at some point.
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Bless me father
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| Day 1 |
[06 May 2009|05:07am] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
] |
So last night I decided to stop figuring it out, but stopping myself from figuring it out doesn't stop me from thinking about him. It got worst to a point that I had to actually bring him up today through a text message I sent Ryze -- "I don't think he's going to school here. He seemed to have lost interest" -- and it also didn't help that she replied with -- "are you sure? because we just chatted at FB and he's just waiting for his mom to send over his documents. He might not be able to enroll on the 1st semester though so it might be the 2nd sem instead" --
I had to stop myself from replying back with something sarcastic which would have been the predicted reaction from me. But yeah... I really need to draw the line here between not figuring it out and thinking about him. I hate how I still think about him. Sometimes I hate not knowing what the answers are. They can put your mind at such ease. Michelle tells I should just find a distraction in the form of other men. What other men? It does not play to my advantage that I am very picky with the men a cohort myself with (am I even allowed to use that word? Cohort?)
I've been going through the 22 years of my life taking in traits I would like my man to have and taking traits out that later on I figured out I didn't like. He just has HAS to be witty. I need to be able to bounce my words on him and he needs to be able to bounce his words off me. I even think of it as a challenge if they're witty-er so that way I'm forced to scrap my head with something better to say or do. And he has to be funny. I cannot stand to be around a guy who cannot, for the life of him or hell take mine as well, make me laugh. I need to laugh ever single day. Ever single hour. It is my air. My food. My water. I need to be able to throw my head back or ROFL my way to oblivion. I need to be able to really smile every single day.
He also needs to have a fantastic command on the English language. I'm not saying I have fantastic command at it but that's the thing, practice makes perfect. If I practice myself around him I can be as good as him (or why stop at that? BETTER than him). And I want my man to be intelligent. I'm not saying bookish wise or whatever. Like smart, he knows what he's talking about and knows when to back off when he knows the topic at hand is something he's not familiar with.
I can't find my other men because even if they have 2 of the traits I want they always lack one. I mean I wish there was someone I could put to par him with but there isn't so right now I'm stuck endlessly entertaining thoughts of him when I'm not busy.
And I hate it.
Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.
I went through one whole day of not texting him (not that the day was a total success because I checked out his FB profile. He logged in so he's still alive. God I feel like such a stalker) but I really am trying to push him out of my head. To not over analyze. Actually I'm beginning to think I should just not analyze at all. I could try that. See if it works.
At least I can go through one whole day and not go crazy. I think I've done enough first moves on my part and I must convince myself that this time its his move and if he likes me or wants me he'll make a move at some point. If it doesn't happen then that's my sign. He's just not into me.
God why do I end up liking and wanting the men that I can't have? Either the circumstances won't make me have them or they don't want me back (which is much worst)
Second day... I wish myself luck...
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Bless me father
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| The voices in my head |
[03 May 2009|08:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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if she knew how bad |
] |
I feel like an idiot. Ever since Jersey landed in my country I've been feeling like an idiot. How many mind games can a person take? How much pushing and pulling can I take in? The worst part is this is probably just all me. I bet you, no, I know, that this hasn't bothered him one little bit.
I feel like an idiot because I can't get him out of my head.
I feel like an idiot because when I find something I know he likes or has a big chance of him liking it I have to stop myself from grabbing my phone and texting him about it. Like last night, I found a store that sold Coronas and I couldn't help but smile and I was "this" close to grabbing my phone and telling him I found a store that sold the beer he kept looking for when he was here.
I feel like an idiot because I miss him everyday and I tell myself I shouldn't because he probably does not miss me back and this is just all me.
I feel like an idiot because I count the text messages and the phone calls that he's made and that I've made (and mind you mine is always more than his) and it saddens me when I realize yet again that I've done more.
I feel like an idiot because I can't figure him out. He's like a medical case presentation where I have my differentials and I eliminate them one by one and just when I think I have my definitive diagnosis, he gives out another symptom and I topple back to my differentials.
I feel like an idiot because he's so random and I cannot predict him and although there's a side of me that tells me that it's actually a good thing, it's frustrating to deal with that feeling everyday.
He tells me I'm a moody person which is laughable because my friends here would say the exact opposite. I'm only moody with him because yes, I kind of need to know where the hell this is going. DEFINITION. I think that's what I want. If I am just a fling tell me. At least I know exactly how to feel. He does some actions that eliminate the fling differential but then does other actions that put it back in. That's why I'm thinking that its better for him to go back to where he belongs.
I have friends telling me that I should just enjoy the moment. You met an awesome guy who did awesome things and is awesome to be around. Enjoy, but know that it's going to end and just let it go. I get that, I'm fine with that, it would have been fantastic that my last memory of being with him was when he kissed me good bye in the middle of a crowd in SM and I would have placed that memory in my box of life.
But no. It just had not to end like that. He just had to keep extending, and come back, and extend again. It's called a moment because that's what it is. A MOMENT. A small fraction of time from the long stretch of time we have in our life. If you have a series of "moments" with one person then that's not a moment anymore. It's something else and it's trying to figure out what that something else is that's eating me alive. I kind of need to be told what's going on. What this is. What that is. What color the sky is. What the hell are you doing?
If this is nothing to you, tell me.
If you're just not into me, tell me.
So that I'll be free from having to constantly think about you, and want you, and miss you. Sending a text saying Jersey boys are here to teach Cebu girls to not settle for less can make you only more ambiguous than you already are.
I feel like an idiot because I am so attracted to you, drawn to you, charmed by you, that if there is nothing at the end of the rainbow, I feel like an idiot because it's going to hurt like a bitch.
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Bless me father
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| Comes the Dawn |
[08 Feb 2009|07:10am] |
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After awhile you learn the subtle difference Between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning And company doesn't mean security. And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts And presents aren't promises, And you begin to accept your defeats With your head held high and your eyes wide open. With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
You learn to build your roads On today because tomorrow's ground Is too uncertain for plans, and futures have A way of falling down in midflight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine Burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate Your own soul, instead of waiting For someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong. And you really do have worth. And you learn and learn...and you learn With every goodbye you learn.
(Veronica A. Shoffstall)
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Bless me father
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| really now? |
[05 Sep 2008|05:54am] |
The Keys to Your Heart
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You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
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Bless me father
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| really now? |
[04 Sep 2008|05:41pm] |
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<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'>
<strong>The Keys to Your Heart</strong>
</font></td></tr>
<tr><td bgcolor="#FFFFFF">
<center><img src="http://www.blogthingsimages.com/keystoyourheartquiz/heart.jpg" height="100" width="100"></center>
<font color="#000000">
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.<br />
<br />
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.<br />
<br />
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.<br />
<br />
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.<br />
<br />
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.<br />
<br />
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.<br />
<br />
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.<br />
<br />
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
</font></td></tr></table>
<div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/">What Are The Keys To Your Heart?</a></div>
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Bless me father
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| The world has lost it's mind |
[20 Aug 2007|07:28am] |
|
Daddy made an unexpected announcement last week, since we were deprived of education and work on this particular Monday, why not spend it at Shangrila? Hey, who am I to complain, if I could hack into a Swiss back account I'd MOVE to Shang. So my half a weekend was spent lounging around topless (my back. Unfortunately my breast is something I reveal to the world if I wanted to scare migrating avians with bird flu away) on the beach, running on the treadmill and cooking myself naked in the Sauna room. Yes, I'm beginning to think I have a love affair with nakedness but I will stop about the naked blog right here so as to not scar you for life. It is official. Shangrila is my pick up place (the world has gone mad! Mel?! Getting picked up?! Are you mentally ill?!). Now I have deliberately worn my glasses throughout the entire Shangrila escapade and I do not, let me stress that out, DO NOT look anywhere near to attention grabbing when I'm wearing my glasses (which was the particular goal of said event), plus the fact that I've got this nasty inflammation on my left eye that makes me look like Quasimodo minus the hunch back. My glasses were a way to hide the fact that if I took them off I would have probably cleared the beach of any life form. I was doing the world I favor. I really was. I have a sort of ritual when I go to Shang which is, I always snorkel towards the platform (yep, you heard me right. The same platform where Deri and I first met) and I love doing that not only because the amount of marine life you see on the way to the platform is amazing to behold but also because I am one of those few people who love to be alone. I adore being alone. I relish the fact of my solitude (then again, when you've got a number of odd characters in your head, being alone isn't exactly lonely). I usually spend 30 to an hour just lying there (topless???? maybe.....) and trying to see if I'll get hypothermia any time soon. So there I was, lying on the platform with my feet (that's got flippers on them) dangling on the water just playing around when a guy comes up on my platform. It took two hi's, a dive, a circle around the platform, another climb on the platform and two more hi's for a conversation to start. Not that bad (considering the man didn't get much of my humor which is a very sad thing). It was on the very same platform that when I went to Shang last time I also got picked on/up (what's the difference?) by a 23-year old American boy (I think all males are boys until they hit 80 where they transcend to pseudo-men). So that aside, we had a conversation and it was a good way to deter me from the voices in my head. I ended it by jumping off the platform (cause I reserved a massage for my grandmama and me at 6:15) and so snorkeled my way back to shore and to my observant father and grandmother who had apparently been keeping an eye on me. Now image my utter surprise when my sister ran up to me and told me that John (that was his name) had apparently talked to her before swimming off to the platform. Apparently he had asked her "where is your sister?" (because I had been doing life guard duty to my annoying little sister who tagged along to the beach with me, which isn't normal because she's the pool type). Now, after my little sister surprised me with this bit of information she ran off again saying "I want to talk to John!" and came back telling me that John wanted my email number (in which I suspect he said email and phone number in which my sister mixed it up). Let's just say that I'm thankful my sister is horrible at memorizing phone numbers. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the world has indeed gone mad. (now if I manipulate it juuuuust right I might be able to turn it into Melville. WORLD DOMINATION! *evil laugh*)
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2 sinners x Bless me father
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| Luke here if you know my heart |
[04 Aug 2007|04:40am] |
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Am I too late to take back everything that I've said? Have I lost you in my moment of weakness? Will you forgive me for failing to be strong? Can you still love me for being honest? I cry not because your not here The tears truly fall because I'm not there Hold you when you think the world is against you Love you when you think no one does When butterflies and zebra's keep you company at night Do you think of me? When the stars go blue, realize My heaven on earth is falling asleep with you Where I go when I'm lonely is to the surface of the moon\ Where do you go when your lonely? I hope to see you there soon No one told us it would be easy We fight the whole world to keep our hearts alive Hell has become our playground But these souls the devil can never own These souls that are forbidden to love These souls that are forbidden to hug These souls that are forbidden to lie, In each other's arms yet are the souls that refuse to say goodbye This soul that adores your devil may care laugh This soul that smiles at every little thing you do This soul that drowns every single time in your eyes This soul that loves you because your you The poets are wrong There is a fate worst than death Of a love meant to be strong But gives way to the world's regret He desires to other love She desires no other He's convinced that he's doing the right thing She closes her eyes every night to hear her heart shatter Another day... another day... Is to bearly get by Another day... another day... Another night to cry I miss you is an understatement This intensity cannot be described To be punished for my lack of judgement For the words that I let fly This poem is an apology This poem is a confession This poem is my soul searching This poem is my realization Am I too late to take back everything that I've said? Have I lost you?
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1 sinner x Bless me father
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| An angry blog |
[08 Jul 2007|01:59am] |
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Michael Clancy is an asshole personified. Many of you may not know Michael Clancy but I have made mention of him in the ASEAN Business Summit. He was the Australian bastard who worked along side Craig and had nothing but negativity all through-out the summit. My disgust and anger towards Michael is not a one person thing. I have had people in the Ambassadors tell me how he was such a bloody motherfucker who disregarded other people's feelings and totally just thought he was God and could get away with anything (and that includes stepping all over people). I never liked Michael, he gave off a vibe I thought I could shake off after getting to know him better, but apparently getting to know him better only made you hate him more. My anger right now is in defense of Craig. He is a good man, with a good heart and men of his kind are probably at the brink of extinction. I'm not sure if I've made mention that Craig's main "job" is running the charities he's got set-up here in the Philippines. He gives these street kids who scavenge at the garbage sites for food (Smokey Mountain. I kid you not.), live in cemeteries and children who sell themselves just so they can earn something that they are able to survive on, a chance to live. And not just to survive but to actually have a life. To be educated, to have a fighting chance against the world despite that fact that he/she was born deprived of that chance. Craig has given this "chance" back, defied whatever destiny was made for these children, a chance to change their future. He may not get all the children of the world but the mere fact that he's doing it one child at a time is a gigantic change in the life of this one child. One child who thought he could never learn to read. One child who thought he could never learn to write. To be educated. To have the tools to be able to turn his life around, to change his destiny. Craig has invested so much of his time, his energy, his money, his skills into these charities all because he genuinely wants to help these children. He also works part-time for PBLF (Philippine Business Leaders Forum) and that entails him working with people. Now hear this, Craig works his ass off. I should know, I've seen him work that ass during the ASEAN (that did not come out right). If I was sleep deprived he was sleep deprived even more. I'm too upset to divulge in minute details but the run down on things is that. Craig works hard. Michael has made him promises and Michael has broken every single one. My anger here tonight is that Michael had the audacity to tell Craig that he was exploiting the poor. Holy fuck, who the hell does he think he is? He has no right, no authority to judge Craig that way. Michael earns money for himself, for his own indulgence. Craig does it so that other people can benefit from it. What made him think that he can accuse Craig of that? Michael you are a fucking asshole. You have no regard for other people's feelings or respect to people you should owe your life to. I hope you are extremely aware as to the amount of dislike people have towards you. You have no empathy, no manners, no subtlety to your actions. Your personality is disgusting, coarse, unrefined and blasé. How dare you? How dare fucking you? Just because you are a foreigner in my country does not give you any right to play God. It does not give you the right to judge someone on something whose surface you've barely scratched. You are damnable Michael. You should be shot. Craig never fails to mention on days when you have upset him. When once again you become your assholic self and end doing something idiotic that Craig has to clean up. He is aware as to how I don't understand why he still works for you. You don't deserve Craig. You don't deserve the amount of work he can do. He shouldn't be cleaning up your shit. If I had my way I'd shove your shit down your fucking esophagus. Craig is my friend, a level in par of the Lusus. And an insult to my friend is an insult to me. I get upset when my friends get hurt. When they are wrongly accused and wrongly judged. If the judgment has no merit no substance whatsoever. If there is a superlative for "bastard", "asshole", "idiot" please let me know. For they are truly the right words, nay, the only words, that can ever be described to Michael.
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Bless me father
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| My horrid realization |
[10 May 2007|08:21am] |
|
I've discovered something horrible about myself. I'm a pessimist when it comes to love, and I've been in denial of it. All this time I've apparently believed that there is no such thing as forever. Me constantly telling myself that there is was just my way of convincing myself of something that isn't there. There is no forever, or at least till the end of human existence, simply because it's too damn long. To just be brutally honest about it, we all get bored with consistency, and no matter how many ways there are to cook an egg, at the end of the day, it's still an egg. No matter how many variation or mixes we do in our relationships to "keep the spark alive" it's still an attention to the same person.
No one can love a person forever because at some point we all get bored. It's an evil I wish the world didn't have. It's an evil I wish the human mind didn't have. I am angry and upset with the fact that no one can love, truly love, a person forever. It's one of the reasons why couples fight. When they come to realize the realities of their fantasies, and oh boy is it different. What you thought you could have, or you could create suddenly blows up in your face that it's never going to happen. And this is one change the human mind, nay, the human heart tries to fight back with everything that it's got. Then again, why fight something that will always have the last word in the end? It's a loosing battle, because deep inside I think we all know there is no such thing as forever. People change. People get bored. People don't do well with a constant pattern. Some have given in to their fate, to this reality, abandoning the "forever-ness" of their relationships and finding other outlets to take away their boredom. Attention wanes. Show of love becomes less. You don't converse as much as you used to (because at some point you would have ended up covering every known conceivable topic on the planet).
I wish love always remained on the first stage. The stage where everything is so unsure. When you don't know if he was just being nice, or if there was a hidden meaning to what he said. When he calls you out of the blue to tell you random information if that was all that it was, just random. Or just tried to make it seem random. The mind games keep you up on your toes. The subtle, confusing feeling of crossing the line or not heightens something. Its like the quest of having to find treasure. The thought of finding it keeps everything else alive. Your conscious of everything around you because anything could be a clue.
I want forever in my life and I think that is my biggest problem. My image, my concept of love, being loved and in it is just so magnanimous that no man could ever live up to it. And somehow I refuse to change that concept, to make it less magnanimous so that at least somebody can reach it. I cannot find it in myself or in my heart to lower my standards because I know, I just know, that if I did it will never satisfy me. And that is one thing I will never cheat myself on. Love is suppose to be grand and that's how it should be treated. It's suppose to be able to stop time, and it should. It's never suppose to die. It's the only entity that is immortal.
It's freezing a moment where you wake up in the middle of the night and you find the man your falling in love with, reading a book right beside you with a glass of vodka coke, and you just wish that the feeling you felt when you woke up like that would just go on forever. But there is no forever is there? No. The moment moves on. The feeling transcends, changes. The exact feeling of that exact moment disappears. Because there is no forever...
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Bless me father
|
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lee_astrid's journal
together. 
to each other. 
hands
for each other. 
down the beach at 
for each other.
only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it. 
possible together. 
each other's eyes. 
to each other. 
(Ever see Lady and the Tramp?) 
her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart. 
together.
them every 5 minutes 
from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them. 
to her par ents. 
out of her face for her. 
movie and remember the parts she liked. 
for each other. 
before you love anyone else. 
goodnight and always remember to say, "Sweet dreams."